Why do nuns travel in pairs

So one nun, can make sure the other nun, don't get none.

Ok, there was this blue guy, a green guy and an orange guy walking down the street.........

DUDE! Is he serious??? Relax! This was meant to be a thread for religious humor, period. ANY religion. How are ANY of these jokes bigoted??? It's not saying anything negative about them!!! Geez, I can't tell how many anti/men or women jokes I've seen on the dating Tribes, but most people KNOW they're only meant as humor and NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. That's what jokes ARE! Bigotry is saying...well, never mind, or I'll be accused of it. You might as well say ANY jokes about ANY group or person are bigoted. That's just silly. Is the only way satisfy your sense of moral outrage to include humor for EVERY spiritual/religious group there is? Sorry, need a bigger website for that! If anyone was offended, well, I'm very sorry.

Catholics tend to be a tad uptight (I was raised one, took me a LONG time to get over it), so it's easy to poke fun at them, same as Mormons (ever see South Park) etc. But if it will get you off your soapbox, here's some PAGAN jokes.

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How many Garnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Can't say. It's oathbound.

How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Same number as Gardnerians.


How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb???

None -- if a candle was good enough for Gramma it's good enough for me!


Q: How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone
circles.

Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink
enough to make the room spin.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa!



You Know Your Coven's Getting Older When...


The ritual feast is pureed.

Last Beltaine the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.

The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled.

Viagra is kept in the coven supplies.

The maiden of the coven is a grandmother.

The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators.

The coveners drive their RV's to Scottsdale for Mabon.

When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset.

It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron.

The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon.

You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper.

You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through five feet of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual.

You drop your teeth in the ritual cup.

At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.

You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can't remember why.

You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.

You use Glenn Miller records for trance music.

All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed

Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.

A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.

No one's successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.

When the coven sings, "Creak and groan, creak and groan . . ."

When you set comfy chairs around the circle.

When you sit on the floor and can't get up again.

You do anointings with Aspercreme.

The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.

You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the extra fiber.

You don't use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.

You use a walker during the Wild Hunt

You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.

You need a flashlight to find the candles.

Tatt, no offense man. I joke. I respect people of all religions to be honest. And to be even more honest I get very tired of pagans who rant about the way they are being treated by christians both now and before.

it's a viscious cycle of people who pick on eachother. no one does anything and nothing will be resolved. i just like nun jokes. it's not that i don't tolerate people and their dispositions. everyone is welcome in my house. there's enough hatred goin' on out there.

HOWEVER, i also believe in laughing at things. humor is a great tool. i feel that people take themselves way too seriously. For example, have you ever seen the comic strip, Oh My Gods!. He makes fun of every pagan sect and he's a pagan. I can laugh at the shortcomings of my path because they are true.
Not everyone has my senska humah i understand. if i offended anynun i apologize.

An Irish barmaid (And the most wonderful woman I have ever had the experience of sharing part of my life with) told me this one. She said it was a common joke in her hometown of Kilarney.

Two Sisters were on their way back to the Convent from market one evening when they noticed they were being followed by a strange man. So, they quickened their pace and as they hurried along the path they noticed the follower had sped up to keep pace.

After a few moments, the sisters came to a fork in the path, and having walked this way many times before, they each knew that both forks led back to the convent so the eldest sister devised a plan, "Let's each take a seperate trail, that way, if he catches up, he can only get to one of us in the worst case."
The younger sister agreed and they each hurried off down their respective paths.

The eldest sister paced eagerly inside the entry of the convent waiting for the arrival of the younger sister when the doors both were flung open wide and standing outside them was the younger sister, out of breath, sweaty, and damn near falling into the entry of the convent.

The eldest sister helped her into the sitting roon and made her a cup of warm tea with milk and honey and asked for every detail of what happened...

"Well..." the younger sister explained, "I noticed that he had chosen to follw me, and started speeding up, but it was of no use. He just kept gaining on me."

"Oh you poor thing!" the eldest sister explained as she comforted the younger, "And what happened next? Tell me everything."

"Well when he was almost right behind me I stopped and turned to face him and said, "If this is going to happen, lets just get it over and done with!" and I began to hike up my skirts."

The eldest sisters face was a twisted mess of disgust and embarassment, "What did he do?" she demanded.

The younger answered, "He opened his belt, and took down his pants!"

The eldest, again, comforted the younger, "What happend then, dear?"

The younger sister pulled back and looked at the eldest with wide eyes, "What then?" she asked. "Why, everybody knows that a sister with her skirts up can run MUCH faster than a pervert with his pants down!"